by Æthan of Eppelhyrste
10) Looks too much like the Honorable Lord Basheminhead's. Large headaches ensue. Consult a herald to make sure there are two clear differences from Her Ladyship Biteyourheadoff's fanged gyronny.
9) Device has so many charges and colors it looks like Chris Farley's custom pizza. Avoid stacking 'em up and spraying 'em on… keep it simple.
8) Device is close to identical to actual medieval royalty. People keep giving you air fresheners and wondering how much your finger bones would sell for.
7) Offensive. No jokes here. Don't make a device that a large portion of the populace would find offensive. In addition to political commentary and religious affronts, heraldic beasts making turds are probably included.
6) Only Poindexter with binoculars can make out your divisions. Lines should be broad, easy to see, and different charges/divisions should be clearĘto anyone looking at the device from 10 feet away.
5) You hired Picasso as a scribe, and while your device is worth a million dollars, you need a 32 sided shield to properly display it. Heralds pay close attention to the proper placement of charges and divisions. A common mistake is the per chevron division: it should divide the field roughly in half. Make sure that standard practices of the blazon you are using are reflected. Don't worry, there's plenty of standard blazon language out there; if you absolutely need your cross to be striped on the edges like a Vogon ship going to Warp 9 to avoid a toxic spirit possessing Buck Rogers in the 25 th century, it can happen. But try to be simple.
4) Four is an unlucky number in the Japanese culture. One theory is that it is too closely related to death. Some buildings don't have a fourth floor, and you should never give gifts in "fours", like place settings or rusty knives. Just fyi.
3) You used hot pink and burnt sienna crayons on your submission. This is pretty accurate, really… use markers that are water resistant and hold their color, and are consistent with period "colors". By the time the submission reaches the society level, you don't want it to look like a psychological ink blot. Imagine a laureled herald looking at an ink blot, documentation near at hand. It's just scary.
2) The higher powers of the universe don't like you. While this is just a theory, it really can't be disproven, so I think it should stand.
1) The higher powers of the universe really really like you, and want your device, your representation in the SCA, the blazon of which is called out after your name and emblazoned on your charters and scrolls, to be a completely accurate portrayal of who you are, what you want, and who you will be. Moreover, they want you to be happy with your device; you spent a lot of time on it!